padme_amidala | · Four ( Video/Action ) ·

( Padmé has been adjusting to day to day life and trying to heal. It's frightfully easy to forget what occurred before her arrival - and she has let herself forget - yet quiet moments bring certain thoughts and feelings into plain view. This morning has been particularly hard on her and she rose early and took a walk to clear her mind and lessen the ache of her heart.

She pauses by a garden and smiles, faintly, at the blooms, recalling her own home on Naboo. There had been a garden there, a lake, plenty of walks, plenty of laughter and love...

Is she really only 27? She feels so much older. But it doesn't do her any good to focus on that, so instead she pulls out her journal. )

Does a cure for nightmares exist? I feel like I'm having them even in the daytime.

( It's difficult for her to reveal her weakness; she knows she can overcome this...right? )

I wouldn't ask if they hadn't become bothersome. I am quite capable of caring for myself, but without adequate rest...

( As well as the fear that she might be bothering Anakin and Luke... )

I fear I cannot think clearly.

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I realize it sounds silly. ( She crosses her arms over her chest and waits for Ami to speak. ) I believe you know what they detail. There is much I -

( A long sigh and then... )

I cannot help wondering what I could have done differently...for them. ( For herself. )

I don't think it sounds silly at all. Everyone has things that trouble them.

If you're thinking about it, though, what do you think you could have done instead? [Because this is something she knows all too well, searching through every word, tone, nuance, act, and decision of a situation to try to piece together how it could have been helped, how it could have been stopped.]

I...

I wouldn't have let myself be blind. I would have paid attention to the clues and not let my love take precedence.

( Or perhaps she should have let her love take more precedence. She was selfish to ignore Anakin's turmoil and pain. )

By the time I faced the truth, it was too late. If I had faced it before then...

[Ami knows something about blaming yourself for what-ifs; and that's why she argues.]

You couldn't have known what would happen next. Even if it feels like there was something more you should have seen, isn't it true that you did the best you could with everything you knew?

No, that isn't… ( She remembers one of her last conversations with Obi-Wan. ) I was told. I didn't want to believe.

You wanted to believe in the best, didn't you? [It's something very, very hard for Ami to do; but it's a quality she admires very much.] I think that's good.

I wanted to believe that reason would prevail. I thought I could change...everything...with my words. ( She has always relied on her commanding speech. ) If Obi-Wan hadn't intervened, I would have been killed.

[Ami remembers pleading - and those pleas falling on empty ears, and the destruction of the planet. She also remembers that it was restored, and all of them involved were reunited.]

Sometimes words alone aren't enough. But sometimes we can still trust to the people who have a chance to fight for our future.

I know there is good in him - even after...his transition. ( She can't help but have faith in Anakin. ) But the ones that truly fight for the future are my children. I should have protected them better.

They're the ones to try to trust. [There isn't much she thinks Luke couldn't handle - and to be fair, she's not far wrong.]

I do. They're remarkable people. ( But she's still their mother and the guilt comes with the package. )

They are. So, in the end, even if it's sad you couldn't be with each other before now, it turned out alright.

· Four ( Video/Action ) ·

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